The Toolbox Archives

Tell me what you’ve been planning for…

Do you plan for your next job or promotion? How you’ll use your vacation days? Where you’ll go to dinner? The route you’ll use to beat the traffic home? 

We make plans all day long – they’re part of who we are. But now it’s time for you and I to have a difficult conversation. What is your “money plan”? Most people don’t even have one. Others have a plan that sounds something like: “Make as much as possible, and spend as little as possible.”

How’s that working for you? Are you loving your life?

While you don’t want to be a complete impulse buyer, spending everything that comes through your hands, it also doesn’t serve your greatness to deliberately deprive yourself now with the promise that “someday” I’ll allow myself to have/enjoy/experience X.

Bad news, my friend. Someday never comes!

NOTE: I’m NOT a financial planner and I’m not giving financial advice. I am highlighting that the financial aspect of your life has as significant an impact on your experience of life as your physical, mental, and emotional aspects. Any fear, scarcity, deprivation, or victimhood you experience in your financial life will bleed over into the “rest” of your life. This means that if your financial house isn’t in order, you won’t be able to give your gifts, develop yourself and your people, or be the best government employee you can.

If you’re caught up in being a victim to your money (or lack thereof) then you’ll also be a victim of your boss’ bad mood, your spouse’s nagging, your bum knee… and on and on it’ll go!

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. The other day, I was sharing with a friend that my current job has me putting an average of 300 miles a week on my car.

She said, “Wow. I hope you’re driving a junker. I wouldn’t want to put all those miles on my good car.”

How bizarre. I’m thinking to myself, “So what would I be saving the good car for? I’ll spend 25 or more hours a week being uncomfortable in exchange for what exactly?”

Personally I think that if I’m spending that many hours a day in my car, it better be something that feels great to me and that I want to drive. Otherwise what’s the point of having a nice car? Stand and stare at it in the driveway!?

It’s not about the luxury of the car (and just for the record, I drive a Hyundai) but rather that I’m enjoying the experience of my life (and car) RIGHT NOW – and also maintaining a structure that provides for future satisfaction and security.

I don’t feel like I’m coming from a place of scarcity or victimhood when I get behind the wheel of the car. I feel like I’m honoring my gifts – and the gifts of those I’m here to serve. I’m coming from a place of strength, security, abundance, and… yes, I’m really going to say this… love. That car represents a larger picture for my finances – and my future.

So I encourage you to create your own financial plan whether you do it yourself or sit down with a financial planner. Design a structure that allows you the grace to give generously, the security to react calmly, the peace to live comfortably, and the permission to play joyfully.

Let me hear from you! What is your biggest mindset challenge when it comes to money? Add your comment below.

Have you ever committed yourself to something that you probably shouldn’t have?

It could be a simple thing like agreeing to bake cookies for the office party when you hate baking.  Now you’re stuck in the kitchen (which you hate), missing out on family time (or Netflix), and up past your bedtime because you put it off as long as possible (not to mention the extra trip to the grocery store).

Before too long, you find yourself resentful of the cookies, the office, the party and anybody else associated with making this activity happen. The worst part is, you know that you could have easily avoided this situation if you had simply said, “I would rather bring the beverages.”

Welcome to the uncomfortable feeling of making an inappropriate commitment! It’s not a fun place to be. 

Now, when I say “inappropriate commitment” I don’t mean something illegal or immoral or dangerous, I mean it’s inappropriate because you’ve committed yourself to something that is not in alignment with the things that matter most to you.

Learning to recognize and curtail inappropriate commitments becomes crucial in government service. A bad night of baking cookies may not be such a big deal, but accepting a two-year position overseas that is not an ideal fit when your parents are ailing, for example, can become a very big deal very quickly.  In this case learning how to say “No” to an inappropriate commitment is vital.

When we concede our needs and take on commitments that are not in alignment with our priorities, we end up feeling resentful and burned out. Obviously that’s not the way to bring your best self to work (or home), and it’s not the way to bring your greatest gifts into the world.

When you find that you are in danger of making an inappropriate commitment, here are five things you can do. 

1. Avoid Making Inappropriate Commitments in the First Place

Get clear on what matters most to you and deliberately choose to create your life so you can support the things that are most important. Practice saying “no” lovingly.  Remember, the word “no” delivered lovingly is a complete sentence.  Having said that, even with our best efforts, sometimes we have previous commitments that we made before we were clear that they were inappropriate.  In that case…

2. Ask to Renegotiate

When you are honoring the greatness in yourself, you can recognize when you have made an inappropriate commitment and ask to renegotiate it. It may be something as simple as approaching a supervisor and saying, “I recognize that things have shifted and this job is no longer an ideal fit for me. I will absolutely continue to fulfill my commitments as best as I can, and will you support me as we look for a position where I am better suited?”

I will tell you, the majority of supervisors are over the moon excited when their employees come to them with a conversation like this. Let’s face it: if you’re in a job that’s not a great fit for you, they already know it!

3. Continue to Fulfill Your Commitment as Best You Can

If you ask to renegotiate the commitment and the answer is “No” then you continue to fulfill that responsibility as best you can.

This one is a little bit challenging because it means that you have to be gentle with yourself. No berating yourself for making a commitment that isn’t in line with your priorities, and no beating up the office or the supervisor or the colleagues. You were the one that made the commitment, so no whining or complaining! Continue to do your best work and seek opportunities to renegotiate.

4. Get Creative

Let’s say you can’t renegotiate and trying to fulfill that inappropriate commitment as you look for opportunities to renegotiate is dragging you down.  Now what?  Time to get creative. Find a way to fulfill the commitment in a way that doesn’t drive you crazy. Focus on finding the part of the commitment that IS appropriate, like “Even though I hate baking, I LOVE helping people so I’m going to focus on how fulfilling this commitment helps the party organizer…

As you’re meeting this commitment, look for ways that you can use your gifts – even if it isn’t a direct fit. In the example with the cookies, perhaps you agreed to bring dessert and you decided it would be cookies. But when you step back and take a look, perhaps you can bring ice cream sandwiches instead. Dessert is covered and you’re not stuck in the kitchen!

5. Circle Back to Step One

Avoid making inappropriate commitments in the first place. Work to get even clearer on what matters to you. Specifically define your personal Evidence of Success and make decisions that will lead you closer to that evidence. (Not sure what Evidence of Success is? Check out this article I wrote for Fedsmith.) Over time, you’ll either fulfill or renegotiate the previous inappropriate commitments replacing them with ideal commitments that you can’t wait to take on.

The reason we govies get trapped into inappropriate commitments in the first place is that we’re are SO honor-bound to our commitments that we’ll kill ourselves fulfilling the inappropriate ones. So focus on the opportunity every commitment brings, even if it’s nothing more than another instance where you kept your word. Use your gifts to fulfill all your promises – and look for ways you can turn it into a winning situation for yourself.

BUT, in the future, guard your commitments carefully! Your commitments become your life. Choose them wisely.

Comment below to tell me about an inappropriate commitment you’ve made in your job or life and how you’ve renegotiated it. (Or gotten creative so a “lose” became a “win!”)

When is the last time you surrendered?

And I don’t mean given up or anything that’s 50 Shades of Grey! I mean, when is the last time you said, “Okay, I surrender, I’m going to go with the flow?”

Because when you’re constantly fighting, banging your head against a wall, walking through mud and getting nowhere – you’re setting yourself up for exhaustion.

Have you been working really hard but making no progress?

Have you been doing what you’ve always done but not getting the same results?

Have things just been too darn difficult lately?

Maybe it’s time to STOP fighting. Maybe it’s time to surrender…

For a lot of people, the concept is so completely foreign that they don’t even understand it. They hear it and think, “Well, this must mean that I just give up on my ideals, go with the flow, and follow the pack.”

And that’s not what I mean at all!

Let me explain.

Imagine water as it flows down a riverbed. On the edges of the river, water gets pushed into little coves or oxbows. (This happens even in the smallest rivers or streams!)

As the water continues to push in there, it has nowhere to go… so it pushes and pushes and swirls and swirls, but can’t get out of the cove.

This is where all the dead leaves and branches get stuck. The water turns dark and feels thick and sludgy. If you’ve ever encountered a river cove like this, you know it’s pretty nasty and slimy and smelly.

That’s because things aren’t flowing easily. This water has strayed ever so slightly off the main channel of the river and gotten backed up in “the details” along the shore.

Now think of the water at the center of the river, in the main channel. It’s moving fast and fluid. Sure, there are rocks and sticks out there, too, but the water in the middle rolls right over them and continues on its way.

When you’re banging your head against the wall and everything feels more difficult than it should, it’s kind of like the water that got stuck in the stagnant pool on the side of the river. You have strayed ever so slightly off the course of your intended path and gotten bogged down in the details around the edges.

Now here’s a thing about rivers: while the sticks and leaves and muck might stay in that stagnant area for a while, the water itself eventually swirls free. It’s pulled by the force of the river – and surrenders to the natural down-hill pull.

So surrendering means you’re allowing yourself to be pulled out of the nasty slime and muck!

It’s the idea of getting out of that stagnant pool and back into the productive flow in the middle. It means allowing yourself to be pulled by the river’s current toward your intended destination.

Here’s the 3-step process to get back in the flow: 

Stop Pushing. It’s pretty simple, just stop doing what you’re doing. This doesn’t mean throwing up your hands, quitting, and becoming a hobo! It is just stopping what you’re doing (which isn’t working anyway!) long enough to get out of the muck. The whole process of getting out of the stagnant water can happen in only 3-5 minutes. (We’re not talking about a big fat hairy deal here!).

Breathe. Take a big deep breath. Get quiet. This might mean closing your door or going into another room, but let yourself get away from everybody else for just a moment and take a few deep breaths.

Ask. Ask yourself: “What is it I really want? What is the ultimate outcome I am truly seeking in this situation? What would it mean for things to be easy?” Ask yourself, “What kind of person would I have to become in order for this to flow easily?” As you ask yourself these questions, don’t try to answer them. Yes, you read that correctly. Don’t try to answer the questions. Simply sit in the question… and wait. Something will bubble up for you, and when it does, simply follow it… even if it initially seems unrelated. It will lead you to your best next step and bring you back to the middle of the river.

I know that some of you are thinking “This is nuts! Clearly what I really need is a better plan.” Trust me, if you could THINK of a better plan, you would have done that already.

If you’re willing to sit in the question without searching for an answer, and surrender yourself to the flow of the river, your next best step will show up.

Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and tell me what comes up for you as you sit in the question.

Well, gang, we’re nearly 60 days into 2015. How’s it going so far? Have you been working toward the goals you set for yourself?

If you’re like a lot of people, myself included sometimes, your progress gets stymied because you get stuck making a decision. There’s a whole mindset (or mind-dance) that you go through.

• Is this the right decision?
• What if it’s the wrong decision?
• What am I really trying to decide?
• What if it works out?
• What if it doesn’t work out?

And on and on and on you go until you are completely stuck. You can’t move forward without the decision, and you just can’t seem to actually MAKE a decision.

(Insert wringing hands and shrugging shoulders.)“But if I make the wrong decision, I can’t move forward, right?”

See, here’s the secret:

Until you make a decision…ANY decision…you CANNOT move forward.

You see, it’s not the substance of the decision that determines the whether or not you move forward – it’s the act of making the decision.

In the words of Roosevelt:

“The best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” The “nothing” he is referring to is getting stuck inside the decision.

Think of kids at a high school dance:

A guy asks a girl to dance (ok, calm down, don’t get caught up in who asked whom), she says yes, or she says no. If she says, “yes,” they dance. If she says, “no,” he moves on. She makes a clear decision – then both parties move forward. But what happens if she says, “Maybe”? Both the guy and the girl stand there, looking at each other, feeling weird and stuck. No one moves forward.

Teach yourself to recognize your decision points. They aren’t just the big things like ‘do I move or not?’ or ‘do I marry him or not?’ or ‘do I take this job or not?’ (Although those are decision points!)

In fact, the biggest transformations happen in what appear to be the smallest decisions:

• Do I eat a donut or free-range egg omelet for breakfast?
• Do I speak my truth lovingly or stuff it down so it gives me heartburn?
• Do I snap at my boss’s inopportune statement or assume noble intent?

As you start recognizing the decision points and consciously make a decision, the act of deciding will get easier! Decision making is like exercising a muscle – the more you do it, the better you get at it.

Will you always make the ‘right’ decision? Of course not! And what was the SECOND BEST thing you could do? Just make a decision and move on toward your goal.

Where are you stuck? Where do you need to make a decision and move on? Leave a comment below and let me know!